Somewhere inside myself I always knew there was gamer furniture that extended from chairs and desks like this console gaming bean bag or this weird light cycle-looking thing. I just never really thought about gamer beds until this morning when a picture of a wild-looking bunk bed appeared courtesy of features producer James Davenport.
As someone who grew up sharing a bunk bed and using a PC in the living room, something about that silly gamer bed spoke to me. I yearned for my own private space for gaming where my folks couldn’t tell me games like Diablo and Descent 2 were too violent and force me to read Encarta 96 instead.
I’m just imagining a nine-year-old Jorge attempting to somersault off the top of the Battle Bunk into my gamer chair and squeezing in a couple of rounds of Quake before being forced to shower and head to school.
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Instead of a sick gaming rig in the bottom bunk, I just had my younger brother. No offense to Danny, he’s cool, but if there was a choice between making him sleep on the floor or keep PC gaming in the living room, I would’ve chosen the gamer bed every time.
Of course, a random Walmart listing wasn’t enough. Now I’m fully invested in finding out everything possible about X Rocker, the company that has a full catalog of gaming beds and other gaming furniture, like chairs with built-in subwoofers.
Now while none of these beds scream ‘Apex Gamer’ like this incredible find out of Japan, the promo video for the Cosmos, a bed with an RGB headboard, is so flashy that I would’ve demanded my parents buy one. Upon further digging, I saw the UK-side of the X Rocker retail sells this beauty.
The Battle Den, which sort of looks like a form of gamer jail, and the Cerberus, where the freaking TV pops out the foot of the bed, are both so absurd that they’d probably sell out immediately if they were available in the US. I mean, look at the Battle Den! Put a little curtain around the cutout and cover the mesh panels up with some Dragon Ball Z wall scrolls, and you now have a sick little gamer fort sure to be the envy of the eighth grade.
While I may be too old and big and dad-shaped for a gamer bed, not all hope is lost. One day, ten or so years from now, my son will come up to me and say, “Hey pop, I think I’m ready for a gamer bed.” And I’ll reply with tears of pride in my eyes, “Battle Bunk or Battle Den, son?”