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Thursday, December 7, 2023

Los Santos isn’t ready for GTA Online’s football talkshow

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Los Santos may be no fan of the theatre, but surely a sports panel would be much more palatable to the citizens of Grand Theft Auto Online? So thought thespian-turned-talkshow host Rustic Mascara, who joined his co-host Oosters on the rooftops to discuss England’s recent football victory over Germany.

Leaving the violent audiences of his beachfront Hamlet performances in the past, The Rustic Mascara Football Show debuted its first episode earlier today—once again attempting to turn the crime sandbox into a place of entertainment and education.

It all starts rather poorly, of course. Their first “guest” hangs around for a moment before jetting off in a flying car, forcing a commercial break by firing missiles at the set. Later, during a conversation on England captain Harry Kane, Rustic finds himself cut short by a bullet penetrating his skull.

“Sorry, I’ve been sniped,” Rustic notes. 

His co-host simply remarks “Oh, that’s a shame.

The rest of the show proceeds with a little less bloodshed, thankfully, even if sirens and gunshots punctuate the backdrop of a discussion on football chants. The presenters never quite manage to bring on another player as a guest, though their antics do spur some interesting conversations.

“He’s willing to put himself on the line, put his body in harm’s way, to make a point about entertainment,” Oosters says, watching a man immolate himself on a bonfire. “It’s a metaphor for England.”


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